Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Dear Dogs and Cats....

Blue Dog

Dear Dogs and Cats,

1) The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

2) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Special Note to Luna: Do NOT stop in front of me AS we go down the stairs. We will NEVER stop for any reason to look around and see what may be happening IN the stair-well as, there is NOTHING happening there. Stairs are made for going up and down, NOT stopping and standing in front of me, and looking at me to make sure we are going in the correct direction. We are. Keep moving.

3) I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

4) It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

5) For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, to try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

6) Also, I have been using the bathroom for years and canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

7) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1) They live here. You don't.

2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it fur"niture.)

3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4) To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5) Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

Eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

(crediting unknown but very funny person that wrote this letter to dogs and cats, whoever that was)

Blue dog was my first dog as an adult. My very own dog. He was the most loving and gentle pit bull. Not only went everywhere with me but my next door neighbors (Ike and the late Jan) called him their 'grandson.' He stayed at their house when I was working 15 hour days opening hotels or when I traveled. What a joy he was and how I still miss his funny face.

I don't think we ever replace our pets, we just get new fur-loves to add to our lives. Luna is now the love of my life, while Blue Dog was my 'first-born' as it were. Luna is of the same bloodline, so that's a good thing too. Family is family. My heart goes out to all those that have lost their animals in Katrina. Support the four-leggeds too if you can, there are links in the side-bar.

More Blue Dog


Blogger Sara said...


2:54 PM  

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